Today I go back to work and I am feeling all the feelings. Anxiety, excitement, dread, jealousy and curiosity, just to name a few...
One whole week old!
I'm going to get real with you guys; maternity leave was my best life. Hands down. No question. 100 percent. I have never been this happy in my entire life. I also know that it is that way because I know there's an end to it. But that end, believe me, is like the Sunday scaries on steroids.
2 weeks old
Before my inner feminist starts hyperventilating, I wanted to share a few thoughts I've had as my maternity leave has been nearing its end, so here goes the good, the bad, and the ugly (and a tour de force through life on maternity leave, which is really mostly Magnus sleeping on me, aka the best feeling in the entire world).
Circa 3 weeks old
ON HAVING IT ALL
You guys, the struggle is very real. You know all those articles out there about "having it all" and how that's impossible? How will I be an attorney, a mom, a wife, a friend, AND make time for myself and the fun stuff? How do I make sure that life goals and dreams don't totally get lost in the day-to-day? Why does a day only come with 24 hours?! I have so many unfinished projects and plans - baby clothes waiting to be sewn, baby food waiting to be homemade, business ideas waiting to be researched, cookies waiting to be baked (I love baking cookies!) and oh-so-many trips I want to take with Magnus. I know some things will have to wait longer than I'd like, and other things may not always happen exactly the way I imagined, but for now I am going to keep making my plans and just try to be less type A about it all. Hah. Wish me luck ;)
1.5 months old
ON BEING A ROLE MODEL
This one is above all a shout out to my very own kick-ass boss mom. Just to name a few things my mom has done and is doing, she is a doctor who runs her own practice, she is on the board of the regional doctors' association, she has a PhD, she runs the family's finances, she tends to a big garden and makes the most delicious homemade fruit jams, oh, and she raised the three of us (me, my sister and my brother) with more love than I ever thought could fit into one single human heart.
1.5 months again because it's a cute age
Needless to say, I have big shoes to fill. But all of this is to say that I aspire to be as much of a role model to my son as she is to me. I know that I can show Magnus that moms and dads work and have their own lives and still can and will give him the love and attention he deserves. This is especially important to me as the mother of a little boy - I want to raise him to be a feminist (like his dad!) and I want him to know that both his dad and I will be there for him always and for anything.
Almost 2 months old
ON ALL THE THINGS YOU READ ON THE INTERNET
Everyone's experience is different, and the bad things you read about are never ALL going to happen to you.
Around 2.5 months old
This is one of my main takeaways from reading about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and about being a new mom. There are a lot of sad, scary or stressful articles out there! And while it may feel good to be informed, I've found that for me personally, it actually stresses me out more than it helps. So if I am reading about moms showing up to work with spit up on their shirts, awkward work conversations about pumping, pulling all-nighters during your first couple of weeks back or snide comments about just having been "on vacation" for 5 months... I try and remind myself that I will have my own experience and, who knows, it may just work out great!
On his 3 months birthday!
ON JOINING THE MOM-BOSS CLUB
Last week, one of my friends who also has a baby went on a business trip and sent a selfie to our group chat of herself in a business outfit looking so chic! Another friend commented "looking great, working mom! Funny how we only know each other in our mom-outfits". As simple as that sounds, it was probably one of the most motivating moments for me - I thought, hey, I WANT to be a working mom! I want to look put together and professional again, I want to be part of the conversation again when my friends without kids talk about their day-to-day, and I want to join the club of awesome boss ladies who work hard to make this whole working-parent gig easier for everyone.
4 months old on his first trip to Germany
ON THE SUNDAY SCARIES
You know that feeling that creeps in on Sunday night after a really great weekend? Of course you do. Now imagine that times...a million? I've been enjoying my maternity leave so much, meeting up with my friends and their babies for picnics and playdates, being able to RSVP yes to weekday music & swim classes, enjoying the weather outside while watching Magnus explore the world and learn a couple of new things every day, having him fall asleep on me in the afternoon (bliss!!) and watching people (even total strangers) light up when he gives them a big smile. There is so much to do with babies in NYC that I almost wish I didn't know about it all so I wouldn't know what I am missing. And man, am I going to miss all of that SO VERY MUCH!
Magnus at 5 months old
I'll keep you guys posted on how it goes! For all those who are wondering how childcare didn't make the list of "thoughts around the end of maternity leave"... more on that in a later blog post!
Yesterday! July 13, 2017 - 23 weeks and 6 days old.